While it is and is isn’t my life’s mission, I know I am influential to others.

And I often hit people one day, unexpectedly, way down the winding road of time, their having been given much free space and unlimited space/time.

I’m more than cool with that.

However, I understand and I’m more than okay that my forces and powers and charisma of influence are very, very subtle. They indeed are subtle to the point that they may not register or may even, at times, even register in the negative. Maybe I’m a false negative. I’m kind of a cosmic machine of influential wisdom, like a centrifuge of subterfuge. I’m sneaky like that. And I like it best when it’s all lighthearted.

But that’s me. None of you really know me. (Especially if you know a person).

But here’s the real amusing kicker. I get the deepest irony of amusement in the moments and incidences and occasions when I axe people to examine something within themselves. Why do I get such an amusing kick out of that? (You may well axe).

Because I can hear the crickets. That’s hilarious to me. At those times I am most ignored. I am most ridiculed in deep Jeanerette conformist silence. I am most shunned when I give the most helpful advice I could. Metaphoric crucifixion becomes me. And that amuses me to death, almost as much as the degree to which this very post will annoy and confuse and confound people.

My weakness may well be my life-long addiction to the joys and thrills of arcane and opaque humor that doesn’t land.

tmr

I am Always and Everywhere. (My Hindi name is literally Always and Everywhere). I am awakened to the realization of my nature as always and everywhere and that is the happiest thing ever! Joyous even! My awareness of my nature/being can and does come across in the temporal physical manifestation as confidence. It can readily easily be resented as over-confidence. This constant radiation of confidence can be received by a faulty and/or untrained receiver as arrogance. Which is amusing! ‘Tis joyful amusing! It couldn’t be more different from the common arrogance of faith belief that is projected ad nauseam and sometimes quid pro quo nullum gratuitum prandium particularly in our country particularly in the southern “belt” of our country. This is the most joyful amusing confounding confusion that I could imagine on earth and it delights me to no end!

Yours Truly,

P.S. Don’t look for me. Don’t wait for me. I am there. I am here. I am now. I am later. & I go back so far I’m in front of me.

I can tell you something generalized.

I was thinking along these lines as I walked me dogs, blessed with the physical sciatic pain in my walk.

Nobody is that person.

I’ll repeat. Nobody is that person. That you know.

I mean, of course, in both senses: nobody is that person that you think you know. And *that* you should know.

Of course, all these people out there that you observe, that you know, that you’ve made acquaintance with, that you like, that you dislike, the ones you have done, the ones you have failed to do: they’re all playing a role, putting on an act, a pretense. Sure. And, sometimes, on a good day (or a particularly heinous bad one) you can even recognize in yourself the role that you are pretending to play. Image, Imago, imagine!

It runs deeper than all that, though. We are playing a deeper role and pretending even bigger in a big way to be a person at all. I am not. You are not. None of us are. You should know this. What good knowing does, who can know?

And it doesn’t matter, your beliefs. Believe what you will. Put on the personhood that you will. Free Willy!

Your beliefs are more tangible to you than the God that you profess to believe in. I should say that again but I won’t because I don’t have to or shouldn’t have to. You love your beliefs! I’ll say that again. You love your beliefs! They are part and parcel with your personhood. None of it is real. Nothing to get hung about.

Moreover it is this tangible thing you are truly in love with. There is no way you, a non-person, can love or experience the base connection you need for love except on what is the tangible level for what you know to be a tangible thing also, your personhood, I mean. It is not real. No matter if the “tangible” and the “real” is all you can understand. No matter at all. Nothing matters and what if it did? Except black lives, of course! (non-sarcastic [sic] humor warning) So take heed of what you “love” literally to “death”.

Live as a spirit and connect with spirit and treat other spirits as spirits and transcend this unreal “reality” that ties you into binds. There are no tiers of people. There are no hierarchies of beliefs. Value and valuation are false constructs. Now is forever and forever is now and your personhood life “span” doesn’t even register on the measuring scale of eternity.

I have hurt people trying to help. I have let people down trying to give them space, intending to help. I have said the helpful thing that hurts deeply. I have missed things and kept out of sight. There are always things that I have done and things that I have failed to do. They are legion. They hold the kinetic possibility of stampeding my mind, if I don’t clear my mind. Everything I do to preserve this body and this mind contains the whiff of selfishness. And I hurt people and I let people down. This can’t be helped. For perception, theirs and mine, is always at work, rarely at play. It is a fact of reality for the duration that I occupy this body in this temporal space, which is a flash in eternity that can’t even register on any measuring device or technique within that context.

Something random and senseless that can readily be negatively taken as a knock, a blow, a setback, a pointless waste, etc.; to immediately see it as the gift that it is sans the entanglement of attempting to “figure it out”: to use it immediately to improve and instill something positive in one’s character.

“Have I ever been happy?” I casually asked myself just now

“Not in the way that you are now” came an answer from an awakened divine connection of me.

vichaar bhatakate hain; ek melaboks mein bechain hava

Displays of strength, all martial and manly, forceful and controlling, are merely ruses of posture and show. True quiet and peaceful spiritual strength is unbounded and compares to this ersatz masculine ruse like a universe compares to a grain of sand.

On matters of spirituality you may well question my authority. On matters political you may well discredit, discount and deny and/or stupify my *opinion*. That is all as it should be and I readily invite it.

No one has the objective grip on reality. That’s just reality. What we know and what we think we know as reality differs (sometimes fundamentally) from each perspective. And, moreover, the reality of the physical world is a product of the broken, dysfunctional dreams and the ugly consequences of perceived suffering of a critical mass of multitude.

I do not expect nor demand anyone adhere to my spiritual disciplines or believe a thing I believe.

By a reasonable facsimile of a token, though, no amount of your coercion, shaming, tough love, “principle” — or whatever it is you want to call it — can ever make me ‘do’ or ‘believe’ by “your” “book”.

You can never make me fear your hell, even if you are totally projecting your “reality” of hell fear fire fear on to me, no matter how stubbornly you deny it all.

You will live alone in hell. I am not your company.

I don’t know what to do or when to do it and procrastinate is my default mode. I started “life” out quite happily, got small-town experientially soured, yet in the matter of course of mattering the matter course I know to be happy every now. And how. I am.